Thinking Up and Up

Ok...admittedly, this isn't one of your everyday...happy go lucky kind of post...In fact...I am truly trying to think on the up and up but am feeling it.  Who doesn't have hard days?  I would like to meet them if they claim they don't or even see if they are dealing with real life.  I am typing this out mainly for my sake and I hope it can help someone else out there too...Truth is...I am sooooo tired right now....perhaps due to being a mom but I think a lot of it has to do with school. Finals would affect me...I am sure as well....but I wake up tired...go to bed tired....and just don't want to run this way anymore.  In fact...I do not only want to think on the up and up but what to feel on the up and up.  I have been able to exercise with some friends lately and this has helped my mental well being tons....and I missed it today due to finals.  Right now, I am taking a simple finals break to wake up my brain since I have been studying hard.  

So, why am I feeling blahhhhhh....the real me is a happy person but is it me or is it the fact that we are so torn in so many directions now and days.....I much rather be playing with my girls but know what I am doing is going to help better my family...TORN!!!!  And another thing is...I want to stop caring about what others think of me...I am truly struggling with clicks...no one claims to be in one but I see them all around me...now I do understand that people unite together with kids in the same sports/schools and such but I am one that if efforts are made to reach out to me...I reach back.  Is this old school or polite school?  Now don't get me wrong...I am soooo far from perfect but I don't get some social behaviors now and days....and I think a part of it is that we are all running around crazy just trying to keep up with life...hmmmmm what to do.

So, here is a resolution I am making to myself and to my little family....to do our best...to spend quality time with them...to be thankful for my blessings...to love others even when it is not reciprocated....to strive to do better...forgive myself for insecurities but also applaud myself for stepping out of my shell to make sure I have never offended anyone...some people see me as an excessive worry wart (true I can be this way) but in all reality...I just care soooo much about people and tend to feel connected to others more than they may feel to me....should I change this aspect about myself...no..but should just live and let live.

This post is full of emotion...I am just tired and weary that is all...I enjoy learning but I am ready for a break...to spend time with those I love dearly...to get my home back in order since I don't function well in chaos and to just be at peace with where my family is in this point in time...there are sooooo many things that I would love to do...but we do what we must.  I just pray that I will be able to have more and more days where this heart sadness goes away and I can be one of the most optimistic but realistic individuals out there.  And I must confess that maybe I should spend more on taking care of me...so that I can take better care of my sweet family...in other words...get the sleep,exercise, nourishment and rest that I need. 

I give hats off to my awesome little family though.  I have a husband who doesn't wave banners to be noticed but who is one of the most kind hearted individuals on this earth that I know....he has dedicated his life to his God and family and enjoys friends too.  The thing I love most about him is that he only cares about what his little family thinks and everything else falls into place.  He reminds me that when we put our priorities in order, everything else will fall into place.

To my sweet daughters who may be shy and not always noticed at church but who are GEMS...I say...keep being who you are...you are some of the most LOVING people on this planet and I appreciate your loving/caring hearts.  I keep reminding them that it isn't the number of friends we have but being a friend that matters...I am a huge advocate on giving opportunities for them to get to know others by opening our arms up wide...but for now...my arms are going to be wrapped around you and I can't wait for Summer Break so that I can spend tons more time...visiting....laughing and having down to earth fun!!!

So...trying to think on the Up and Up!!! And striving with huge decisions ahead of us to trust in the Lord who knows all of our needs best.

Love,
Kathy